T’is the season. For parties, family gatherings and good tidings. For joy, good will, and hot chocolate. For panicked shopping, cookie-induced bloating, and lame elf-rearranging.
And all of it makes me sweaty with stress.
Tack the task of helping out a former employee part-time on to this month, and I’m feeling over-scheduled and under-motivated.
The solution, I think, is to take a break.
Not that it’s why I started writing, but I’ve been at this blog over for two years now, and it appears to be going nowhere.
Sure, I’ve had a few things published here and there that I’m proud of. But I’m not one of those famously popular bloggers who wrote a post that went viral overnight, received a shit-ton of followers, and the rest just fell in to place.
It’s easy to compare my small number of followers and readers to others success and think, “What’s the freaking point?
My blogging feels like jogging on a treadmill at a crowded gym, where everyone else is running with a smile on their face and logging in miles, while I’m sweating profusely and getting my shoelaces stuck in the track belt. Dammit if it doesn’t smell like my dance career all over again. The same insecurity and self-doubt and self-loathing I had to battle with myself as a dancer surfaced again while writing.
I started blogging because I wanted to write and I wanted a creative outlet. But somehow it morphed in to this thing that doesn’t feel about the writing at all. It became about the marketing and the tweeting and the pinning and the hand shaking and the “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine”. All of that took a lot of time, exponentially more time, than the writing.
And because I’m so I’m horrible at all of that self-marketing and networking, it’s put a damper on the whole blogging process.
I’ve lost my passion for writing, and instead, have been approaching it half-assed. It feels more like a chore than a joy. I’m plagued by a writer’s block of momentous proportions. I’m tired of feeling like I’m doing a mediocre job.
I need to step away for a bit and reevaluate why I write, who I write for, and what I want to write about, because I veered off path somewhere.
And I need some time away from my computer. Time to readjust my posture from that slouched one I’ve adopted while stooped over my laptop. Time to snuggle on the couch, warmed by a blanket and my husband instead of the heat of my MacBook Pro. Time to work on myself – to work out, take a class or two, find a hobby, catch up on projects, find what fuels me.
I want to feel inspired, motivated and creative again.
So, I’m taking a step back and taking time off to refocus. How much time? Until I can come back to writing and hitting “Publish” with the confidence that I will not measure my self-worth in shares, likes, comments, pageviews or retweets.
I’m not sure when that will be. Maybe in a couple of weeks. Maybe longer. But I’m definitely giving myself a hiatus for the holidays. I’ll still be present and accounted for on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram, and if I find some rockin’ kids music you simply must hear, I’ll post it.
But for now, I’m hanging up my blogging stocking for Santa to fill.
Who knows, maybe I’ll get a box of inspiration, wrapped in hilarity with a pretty bow made out of sheer genius.
Or maybe I’ll just get coal.
I hope you’ll find your way back here when I do, and have a very happy holiday season!